迷失方向
Ever wanted something so bad you spend you whole life working towards it?
At times you gave up. Because you can't even get onto the path that goes towards it. 然後想 - 要認命了.
Just as you think you should give up, the doors will finally open to that path (Sod's law).
It's my dream to even just get on this path, yet I'm not sure if I can make it through anymore.
I work so hard to aim to get onto this path. But now that I am here, I seem to have lost all the motivation. Goal seems to have reached - which was to get on this path.
It's not that I haven't been trying to put in the effort. I am working 10x, 20x harder than when I was doing before, but for this path, it is not enough.
All these expectations but I just can't deliver.
When should you admit defeat?
7 comments:
I hate that you're always so hard on yourself. You expect so much but don't realise what you've achieved to get where you are right now.
You're so close, just reach out and touch it. It's right in front of you, keep going, a little bit at a time and it's yours forever.
But don't forget to stop and smell flowers sometimes.
There seems to be a storm raging in your head even though on the outside you always look so calm and serene.
Sometimes in a crowd of people one person stands out through their pure natural beauty.
I always think this of you when I see you in the halls. Your smile so warm and tender.
"Ever wanted something so bad"? - Every day! But it's so far out of touch for me. And that hurts even more.
What is that you want so bad?
Something or nothing. A smile. The warmth of affection. Loving tenderness. A touch.
Circumstances and life getting in the way. Not able to act on my feelings because I am outside her world or because I have made the decision to give up what I had and put myself here in an attempt to change my life.
There's no time and too many other priorities meaning I couldn't put in what it would deserve to make things work.
It hurts. Wanting to be part of her world but knowing I can't be.
Trying to keep my focus. Remembering why I came here to do this.
I am seeing the difference between me and you.
You said you can't get into her world - have you tried?
You said you gave up what you had with her in order to change your life - am I sensing some regret?
I don't understand how you can just say you can't give the time and effort into something you 'want so bad'. There's not enough time?? There is always time if you wanted there to be some. Priorities are ranked by you. Surely out of your busy schedule you could find one afternoon each week to just spend time with whoever that you 'want so bad'. I keep emphasising that because i feel you want something so bad, you would make time for it. The excuse of not having enough time is only because you love yourself more than anything. I guess it's your way of living and it certainly makes you happy enough.
What is so important that you came here to do which require such strong focus?
Maybe you're right yanyan. Maybe if it's important enough I could make time, even just to try. But there's a feeling that it could never happen, that I'm not even close to what she wants. But if you don't try then you'll never know, right?
You understand the sacrifices you made to get here. You know what it takes to have this one shot that will never come round again. So then you understand about trying your hardest and being focussed so that it will all be worth it one day.
Is that worth losing out in other things? Maybe. Time will tell. Or can you have both, can you find a balance...?
What is it that she wants from you? How do you know what she wants? I want to be with my family, I want to travel the world and I say I want alot of other things in this world - does that mean I get what I want?
For two people to meet and become friends is a blessing. Then for the both of them to feel something else other than friends is just so rare I don't believe you can let it pass because of what? Your insecurities thinking you are not good enough for her? Or is it an excuse for you because you rather think about yourself and keep your options open?
Getting where ever you are certainly requires alot of effort and possibly sacrifices. What I don't get is that how can you be so sure that if you give whoever she is a try will cost you your dream? You do know that many people have their dream jobs/lives also have someone to share their happiness and joy with right? How do you know if she's not a person who will support you to get where you want?
So you started with nothing. An opportunity comes along, you may gain something, you may not. Would you give it a try to see if there's something to gain at the end or will you just give up and go 'it'll never work out' even without going in to find out more??
You went in with nothing, what is there to lose?
Saw an episode of scrubs today. Elliot broke up with this perfect guy that can give her all the happiness in the world because she was spending too much time with him and her work was suffering. She gave up something she wanted now as she cannot give up something she wanted all her life.
It made me think of you. And a certain someone.
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