Fat fighters

I'm looking in the mirror once again (as you do coz distraction is much better than writing SSM) and I'm so FAT - FAAAAAAAAAATTT!!!!! I need to lose weight!!!!! My stomach is getting to the level of Jade Goody's *Yes, just imagine her bikini stomach - that's how mine is at the moment but of course I won't wear a bleeding bikini* and soon it'll probably get to Michelle McMammoth's *deafening screech*

Okay, I need to focus on what I want (positive) and not what I don't want (dressing up in tents)... I want a stomach like Beyonce's/Shakira's... TONED STOMACH...

Someone tell me what I have to do and I'll do it. I'm all geared up to go - I'm 26, don't have that much more time to look good man... my metabolism is failing me.