Homesick...

Was gonna go to sleep but before that saw the videos of Jeng's blog update...... triggered this cycle

The vid with the little kid and the really old hard working grandma reminded me of my own 婆婆

This feeling must be the worst aspect of studying so far away from home. I guess when I was young it didn't mean as much, as being away from your family was thought to be a good thing - you can do whatever you want. However, ever since my life took a turn from a nice smooth ride into a particular bumpy ride, you realise that only your family is always there to help you (if they can't physically they will emotionally...well...and sometimes financially! :P). Home is the safest place where you can hide and heal. They are your lights when you are lost in the dark. They are your life saving rings when you feel like you are drowning. They are always giving, giving and giving & I am always taking, taking and taking.

When I was at Bath and beginning of Kings I really thought after my degree and master I was going to go back home for good. Circumstances changed and during my master I was in a dilemma because I don't want to settle here after my master, hence always torn between my relationship and my family. When I got my offer from Georges, it was even worse because I have to choose between my career and my family. Medicine was all I ever wanted to do and it was sitting infront of me and I took it. But this also means that it'll be at least 7 years before I can settle back home. However encouraging my family is to me studying medicine...I can't cope with this emotional bit... The past three years when I should have been at home, sharing some of the pain and stress on my family...where was I? I was here studying and working and can't get away. All I can do was ring home and have them crying on the phone to me. What a crap daughter am I? I want to take their pain away, and be their light/life ring too.

okay... at this point I think I need to proceed to the arrow towards locking up... or I'll be crying all night and have puffy eyes tmr (my eyes are so small already if my eyes are puffy I can't see through them - and we're doing visual tests and opthalmoscope tmr! not good) What better solution than that soft and warm bed waiting for me on the other side of the room.

Please, treasure every moment shared with your loved ones. You never know when it'll be the last time you have these moments with them.